I went to a play party yesterday. It was the first one I’d been to in the scene here, and it went significantly better than expected. The first time I’m in a new scene with new people, I tend to expect a lot of standing around awkwardly on account of not knowing anyone. This time, though I ended up having nice conversations with a number of different people, and even doing a scene with the one person there I’d met previously.
Following that scene, there was also some making out, which I am wholeheartedly a fan of, and it reminded me of something. It reminded me of one of the things about me that makes me feel polyamorous.
Back when I first started identifying as polyamorous, it was more of an, “I identify strongly with this idea in theory”, thing. I had essentially no real experience with it, and was betting it would work for me based on intuition and a few suggestive bits of data. The primary data point being that when a girl I was hooking up with around that time got a boyfriend, my initial reaction upon hearing about it was, “Cool, my first poly situation”, and not, “JEALOUSYJEALOUSYJEALOUSYJEALOUSYJEALOUSY!”
It turned out to be a monogamous relationship that precluded further hook-ups with me, which was disappointing, but I never forgot how my brain went to “Nifty!” and not “Oh god no!” when I first heard about it.
These days I have somewhat more experience, and in the last year, I’ve started having one experience in particular that’s made me incredibly happy to be poly. It happened a few times back home and again last night when make-outs were happening. When I’m able to do fun sexy things with a few different partners in a small space of time, I get this magnificent sensation of fullness and abundance. I don’t know that I can describe it better than that. It’s a wonderful feeling. Like the world has kisses and cuddles and sex and awesome times with awesome people just lying around for me everywhere.
It’s not a sensation I ever got when I was monogamous. For me, it’s a powerfully compelling reason to continue exploring poly.
Or, at least, to continue being happily slutty.