This is a post about things that are going well, and cool things that have happened lately. For at least this one post, I am going to disregard my apprehensions about coming off as obnoxious or bragging or this, that, or the other, and just talk about awesome things that are happening. Because I need to do that; we all need to do that sometimes. So here goes. Shameless excitement to follow. Also lots of sex-related things, because the last year has been nothing if not full of changes and exploration where that’s concerned.
Fair warning: many potentially obnoxiously navel-gazey, self-congratulatory paragraphs to follow. Seriously, you are under no obligation to read this.
Since endeavoring to meet people, go on dates, etc, around my new home, I’ve had at least three women ask if they could kiss me.
I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on my writing recently, and even a couple of people who’ve explicitly said that they used parts of my writing to help express their thoughts in discussions they had with partners. On top of that, one person who read through a bunch of my writing (in one of the other places I sometimes write), and contacted me out of the blue to say that they thought it was awesome and really wanted to meet me and maybe, potentially, have sexy things happen (which sounds creepy out of context, but there is way too much context to supply here, so I’ll just say that I promise given wording and context that it was not creepy, and, in fact, completely full of awesome).
I went to the first kinky/sexy event that I’ve been to where I felt popular. It was unexpected and a bit overwhelming, but also neat.
I’ve been learning to flirt better, and to do it in a way that I like doing it, thanks to friends who I know will tell me if I do anything weird or overstep. And who also flirt back. I like that. Along similar lines, I really like having friends that I can talk back and forth about how stupid it is that we aren’t close enough geographically to get together and hook up. I always used to be afraid of talking to people about wanting to be physical with them. I thought of that as shallow and communicating a shallow level of interest. It’s only fairly recently that I’ve fully grown into the idea that being interested in and caring about someone as a person and being interested in them physically or as a potential sex partner are not mutually exclusive. That may sound stupid, but for a long time, I had a serious guilt complex about wanting to be physical with people. So now, being able to out-and-out say, “I want to fuck you again as soon as it is possible”, isn’t just a fun thing to say (though it sure is that), it’s a celebration of the fact that I’ve finally gotten to a place where I can say it, because I’m comfortable with it and I know people who are comfortable being on the other end of it, and doing it back.
A lot of people, just in general, have been interested in me. It’s been really cool and validating. I feel like I’m doing my best to be the person I actually am, and people are still responding well to it. Even where I’m different. A good example of this, I think, is my style of flirting. I’ve never really been good at or comfortable with the standard ways I see people flirt most often. My style of flirting is a sort of bashful, “You’re cute and I like you and you’re cute!” and I’m beginning to get the feeling that it actually, well, works for me. Which is awesome because I like it better than trying to be all weird and James Bond/Neal Caffrey about it.
I’ve been getting much more comfortable using Ruby on Rails and related tools. I’m actually working on a couple of projects at the moment, one of which is more or less a Real Programming Job, which is neat.
One friend recently told me they feel very comfortable around me. Another told me they think I’m incredibly conscious of all the little parts of life where consent is important in little ways.
I had one girl I was going to go on a date with tell me she’d realized she just didn’t have enough time to date between work and her current partners. In and of itself this was disappointing, but I think I responded to it really well and I’m proud of myself for that.
I’ve been trying to use correct pronouns with people, and people have really appreciated that. I like when that happens. The really simple things you can do to make people feel like you care about them—they’re nice.
I had a moment recently where I was thinking about being depressed, about what it felt like and about how it could happen with respect to the things I was mulling over. And I just…couldn’t. I wasn’t able to go to that Depression Place like I usually can. I feel like that’s really good.
I’ve been getting better at not making a big deal about fucking up interactions with people. Partially, I think, because I’ve been thinking less and less about intimidating interactions as, “My one chance to get this right”, and more about them as a steps along the road to being able to do them well. This applies to everything from Talking About Scary Feelings to asking people on dates. I think it’s also helped that I’ve been thinking more about how it’s often not one individual interaction with someone that matters, but the accumulation of all your interactions with them, and I’m much more confident that I’ll make a good impression over the long term than over that one interaction that scares me for whatever reason.
So there we go. Talking about the good things.