My User Manual Part 4: Personal Quirks/Things to Be Aware Of

Being Attractive Physically

I like it when people find me attractive physically, but I like being attractive personality-wise more. Assuming you do like me for more than my looks, try to balance your compliments accordingly. If I’m only ever complimented based on appearance, I tend to feel uncomfortable.

This is one of the reasons I’m more likely to tell someone they’re cute than hot–in my brain, cute is about both personality and looks, whereas hot is less so.

Don’t take this as me saying I mind physical compliments. I just don’t like it when they’re unbalanced in that direction.

In a general sense: I like being valued for the things about me that I value. My physical appearance isn’t high on that list, because it’s not something I consider an important thing about me.

Back Issues

I deal with chronic back pain which is occasionally quite severe. It is aggravated by stress, being still for too long, and overexercise. This will undeniably occasionally be a reason why I can’t do something with you. Sometimes sitting for a two hour movie is very painful for me, other times it isn’t. Be mindful of this, and don’t take it personally if I have to say no to something on account of it.

Online vs. Offline Chemistry

My chemistry with people can be very different online versus offline. I may have a really good vibe with you online and a really awkward one offline, or vice versa. I’m not sure why this is, since the way I act online isn’t much different from how I act offline, but just something to be aware of if we’ve only corresponded in one medium and not the other.


I’m terrible at holding conversations via text. If you send me an urgent text about something in particular, I’m generally decent at responding, but for some reason, I don’t really like holding casual conversations via text. In this case, it’s not you, it’s me.

Phone Interruptions

I understand that sometimes phone calls need to be taken, and I generally don’t begrudge people that, but I prefer people to not answer their phones when one-on-one with me unless it’s important. How would you feel if a customer service rep answered customer phone calls as they came in in the middle of helping you find what you were looking for?

Being Emotional Support

Being a shoulder to cry on tends to be taxing for me moreso than it is for most people. There is a lot of history behind this, but just bear in mind in a general sense: that type of emotional support is not impossible for me to provide, but it costs a large number of spoons.

Kissing, Hand-holding, and Sex

I’ve recently discovered that if I had to rearrange the bases in order of their emotional intensity for me, I think kissing and hand-holding would come after sex, not before. Though that’s not a hard-and-fast rule. Different things feel different levels of emotionally intense with different people. That said, it’sgenerally much easier for me to have regular casual sex with someone than regular, casual make-outs, or even hand-holding. The latter two communicate a level of intimacy that sex doesn’t necessarily. Sex is a “Let’s have fun together” thing, and kissing and such, while fun, tends to more easily communicate a level of intimacy beyond “Fun is fun, let’s have some”. For your purposes, this is important to know because it means you can reasonably expect that I’m more likely to have take a step back to process complex or confusing emotional reactions in response to kissing than I am with sex.

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